More classic quotes from the great and the good. This time from the BBC sci-fi sitcom, Red Dwarf
RIMMER: Step up to red alert.
KRYTEN: Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.
RIMMER: I think I'm going video blind. Is that painting yours? It's rubbish!
LISTER: It's a mirror!
RIMMER: Lister, tune into Sanity FM!
LISTER: Are you saying it was another illusion?
RIMMER: Of course, it's as plain as a Bulgarian pin-up!
THE CAT: Let's face it, we're deader than corduroy!
RIMMER: What are we going to do?
LISTER: Well I say, let's get out there and twat it!
RIMMER: The first time, the first ever time I was with this girl I met at cadet school called Sandra. We did it in the back of my brother's car.
LISTER: What was it like?
RIMMER: Brilliant. Incredible. Bently V8 Convertible. Walnut burr panelling, marvellous machine. Marvellous.
LISTER: Cat, you ever seen the Flintstones?
THE CAT: Yeah.
LISTER: Do you think Wilma's sexy?
THE CAT: Wilma Flintstone?
LISTER: I dunno, maybe it's because we've been in deep space for so long, but every time I see that show, her body drives me crazy. Is it me?
THE CAT: I think in all probability... Wilma Flintstone is the most desirable woman who's ever lived.
LISTER: That's good I thought I was going strange.
THE CAT: She's incredible.
LISTER: What do you think of Betty?
THE CAT: Betty Rubble. Well I would go with Betty. But I'd be thinking of Wilma.
LISTER: This is crazy. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
THE CAT: Your right. We're nuts. This is an insane conversation.
LISTER: She'll never leave Fred and we know it.
RIMMER: (to HOLLY) You're about as much use as a condom machine in the Vatican.
RIMMER: I'm talking about Space Corps Directive 1742.
KRYTEN: 1742? No member of the Corps should ever report for duty in a ginger toupee?
LISTER: Change of plan! LEG IIIIIIIIIITTTT!!!!
LISTER: Can I ask, is Silicon Heaven the same kind of place as human Heaven?
KRYTEN: Human Heaven? Goodness me, no! No, somebody just made that up to prevent you from all going nuts.
HOLLY: I hope they've got some spare odds and sods on board, we're a bit short on a few supplies.
LISTER: Like what?
HOLLY: Cow's milk. Ran out of that yonks ago. Fresh and dehydrated.
LISTER: What kind of milk are we using now?
HOLLY: Emergency back-up supply. We're on the dog's milk.
LISTER: DOG'S MILK?!
HOLLY: Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of fitness. Full of vitamins. Full of marilbone jelly. Last longer than any other type of milk, dog's milk.
HOLLY: No bugger'll drink it.
KOCHANSKI: Look, wig-stand head, me and Dave is all in the past.
KRYTEN: In that case, Ma'am, why does he keep looking at you in the same way a starving man would look at a packet of roasted peanuts?
KOCHANSKI: Well, it's because-
KRYTEN: It's because, Ma'am, he can't wait to get the wrapper off and taste the salty goodness!